December 31, 2020. The day I found out I would need to take a blood thinner (for at least 3 months). The doctor apologized for calling me early on a Saturday (or maybe he said Sunday) to tell me, in fact, I did have blood clots. It was a Thursday - I did not correct him. I will not go into the details of the month long journey to this diagnosis, but I will say, I would not have even gone to the clinic in the first place had it not been for my best friend (nurse) who encouraged me to go after sending her pictures of my arm and telling her my symptoms.
Although the initial symptoms are gone, I can still see the mark that led to this call. It hasn't really sunk in until now. I feel a little betrayed by my body. I thought the worst thing I would have to live with is anxiety. But now there is this for the foreseeable future.
I spoke with one of my nieces on January 2, 2021. Near the end of our conversation she mentioned her sister had read her bullet journal. It was a passage from March (2020) when our world got turned upside down. She, like many, was worried she would never be able to see her friends again. Looking back on it she realized it was silly. But for an extrovert like her, this mattered. And whatever fears you had at the time mattered. You only get perspective once you have lived through something, like a pandemic. I was reminded that I have not journaled about this time. People say, "We will never forget this year", but I worry we will.
I have been trying to live in the moment - a remedy for anxiety. But in doing so, am I trying to ignore "the world is on fire".
My world hasn't changed all that much and for that I am eternally grateful. Coaching was put on hold early in the spring, but this allowed for some down time, time to really rest and recover.
I rarely eat out or shop. I spend quite a lot of time alone (self-proclaimed introvert). With evenings and weekends free I went on more walks and bike rides than most summers before. There was the thought of more camping, but when the initial restrictions were lifted it felt like it was too late to book anything. That being said, we (Kevin and I) spent one Saturday travelling the highway and gravel roads to small towns and attractions. We had no agenda, no time restrictions. It was just us and the highway.
I loved seeing photos (and still do) of the adventures my friends went on. Saskatchewan is such a beautiful place with so many hidden gems.
Although I have not been greatly inconvenienced, I know a great many have. Those who crave being around people, those less mobile (especially now that the snow has arrived and is here to stay), those who lost jobs, those with kids who had to “home-school”, those waiting for medical appointments and surgeries, those in care homes, those who lost a loved one. We are tired, yes even me – with all the rest I had. We make sacrifices for the greater good and watch as others disregard health orders. It is disheartening.
While we must live with this virus and navigate the new path that lay ahead, we also must live the life that is right in front of us. The one where we seek out connection (extrovert or not), help others who need a hand, and deal with the ramifications of job loss, a death in the family, or new medical challenges.
Both phone calls reminded me just how precious life really is. And I never want to forget that.
Sense of Calm
Confessions of a Coach
As always, be well
Today: Like most, I'm trying to figure things out. Sometimes that's day by day, moment by moment, and even breath by breath.