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Two and a half years ago I went on a dating website. I met someone and I thought we hit it off. I really liked him, I still do.
Fast forward to today. It has taken me this long to talk about it (this is the one area I hold very private). It has taken me this long to try again. About a week ago I (gave in and) signed up for a dating app. I've talked with three guys and they all just stopped responding (I believe the youth call that 'ghosting'). And you know what, I'm okay. I may or may not continue with this app or any other, but the main thing is getting over the fear of getting started.
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I've struggled with being enough my whole life. There is no incident to recall where it all started. It's just a feeling that has always been with me. The worst part is looking for validation from the outside world. Intuitively I know this will never satisfy my hunger for acceptance, love, or just plain contentment.
I was made in the image of God. He gave me a heart for the hurting. He gave me the gift of writing. This is why I continue to share. My heart was full yesterday as many friends shared their journey with mental health (whether they 'suffer' themselves or love someone who does) during the #BellLetsTalk campaign. It was full because I know I am not alone. It was full because I know, I am enough. I'm a creature of habit. Routine keeps me sane. I'm not compulsive, however, if I switch up my routine in the morning, for example, I get lost and don't really know how much time I have for doing my hair, make-up, picking out clothes (which I always tell myself to do at night, but don't), and getting my lunch together.
This is not to say I don't like spontaneity. There have been times when a friend sends a message and asks if I want to go to the lake or a concert and I jump at the chance. I might be tired the next day at work, but it's worth it if you get to spend time with close friends, have a laugh or two, or see an iconic Canadian band. |
AuthorI am a daughter, sister, auntie, wife and friend. Categories
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December 2021
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