You are worth more than you know. It is sometimes hard to see. You feel forgotten, not respected, invisible. But know this, you are valued.
I don’t know exactly what the coming year will bring. But I do know, there will be setbacks, failures, and mistakes. I also know, you will laugh, be cheerful, and brighten someone’s day just by your presence.
Do not be so hard on yourself. Have compassion not only on yourself, but those around you. They may need it more.
Fight the urge to draw inward, this is when walls start to form - meant to protect you, but end up doing more harm than good.
Cry if you need to. But don't stay in this place for too long.
Celebrate your achievements, do not brush them aside. You worked hard to get to where you are.
If nothing else, know that you are a better person than you were this time last year. Look how far you've come.
All my love, mnd xo
I am mourning the loss of the forced stoppage of sport. It came at a time when our athletes were on their regular break after nationals. We pushed return to practice back by a week so that they could focus on final exams. After which it was apparent return to sport was not an option over the summer. Athletes were given workouts to do on their own. We had
no answers for them.
I used this time to slow down. Eat supper at a normal time. Do at home workouts. Go for epic walks and bike rides. I did not pine to return back to normal. I quite liked this change of pace.
I thought I might read more. That didn’t happen. I thought I might do some spring cleaning. That didn’t happen. I thought I might clean out my inbox. That didn’t happen.
When people asked the loaded question “how are you?”, I could honestly say “fine”. Anxiety has a weird way of helping you in these situations.
It is not to say I didn’t have ups and downs. They just weren’t as evident as the stories I read on Facebook or Instagram of people who were really struggling with all the changes happening so fast. I empathize, their world was turned upside down in a matter of days. And they didn’t know how to react or feel. I deal with upside down thoughts all the time. And I don’t always know how to react or feel.
Our program just started up again and I am mourning the loss of my slow paced summer. I feel as if I have gone from zero to 100 in a matter of days. I’m already signed up for more webinars than I have done all year. Practices are five days a week and I am back to eating supper at a late hour (even with prep the night before).
This time of year always brings challenges. It is dark by 8:30 pm. I am rushing from home to work to track to home on a daily basis. Fatigue looms large. I hoped I could bank the hours I spent napping for this very season.
Add to this the fatigue of hearing/seeing countless accounts of unarmed Black (mostly) men being murdered. The fatigue of reading people deny Canada has a problem with racism (or saying its not as bad as our neighbours to the south). Then there's the fatigue of watching your friends deal with this situation by sharing every single new thing they have learned about racism (as if these aren't things I think about regularly - not by choice).
Do I love coaching. Absolutely. Did I miss my kids. Absolutely. Do I want more space for myself. Absolutely.
There is no right or wrong in how I am feeling. I would not be true to myself if I did not acknowledge my true feelings.
I hope this gives people permission to feel what they are feeling. Wholeheartedly.
I’m having a hard time processing how I’m feeling. I feel as though I should be panicked, terrified, and afraid. Yet I feel a sense of calm. As I watched coworkers get ready to work from home, and I see everyone sharing articles/stories (which by the way I have not read as it is overwhelming to say the least) - rather than give into the hysteria, I have decided to limit what and when I read news articles and waited for a while before I began to work from home myself.
I sometimes wonder if anxiety is a friend to me at this time. I know it must sound so strange to hear. What I mean is that I am used to racing thoughts and being in the state of fright, flight, or freeze on any given day. But for the average person who does not have anxiety and had a pretty normal life before everything was thrown into disarray. Before school was cancelled, before you had to start working from home, or were forced to not work all, before you had to self-isolate (if you had travelled), and before you had ever heard of the term ‘social distancing’ (I prefer ‘physical distancing’), this must be the most difficult thing you’ve ever encountered. Difficult because you don’t know when it will end. Difficult because this wasn’t in the plan.
During this time I have fallen back on what has served me well in managing my symptoms: staying in the moment, taking time for myself (walks, yoga, meditation), and exercise (walks, yoga, online classes/apps).
It is my hope you can find something that will serve you well.
Today: Like most, I'm trying to figure things out. Sometimes that's day by day, moment by moment, and even breath by breath.