rest

At the beginning of 2021, I learned what languishing is (first hand). I had a hard time explaining, even to myself, what I was going through. It felt different than depression, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then, when I read Adam Grant’s article in the New York Times months later, it confirmed what I had been feeling. 

Something needed to change and I set out to make that uncomfortable feeling go away (before it led to depression).  In searching for one thing, I ended up doing a lot of things (all within a few months of each other). 

• I left my job after almost six years to start a new career
• I took an online class
• I almost become a member of a board
• I rented out my condo
• I moved back to Saskatoon (from Martensville)
• I applied to be a mentor in the second round of the Black Female Coach Mentorship Program, was not be accepted, but asked to take part in the program by facilitating BIPOC Female Hangouts
• I started coaching in person (again)

If I have been slow to respond to emails and texts, this is likely the reason why.

These things done separately bring about their own level of stress. These things are all positive. These things brought me out of my comfort zone. But together (especially for someone who does not like change or taking risks) it may have been too much for me to handle. Hello anxiety. That said I do not regret any of these things. 

Now a few months removed from all of those things I have learned a few lessons firsthand:

• That one can survive on adrenaline for a fixed period of time. It felt oddly nice to have energy (my baseline is low energy but I knew it was superficial).
• That eventually your body will shut down as a protective mechanism.  Today (August 7) was that day for me.  I napped on and off all day, something I have't done in months. 
• You can accomplish more than you think you can, but it may be at a cost to your mental and physical health.  

As the summer winds down, it's time for me to reflect and rest before the business of fall sets in. Here's to no more languishing (and no more to doing too many things in an effort to feel accomplished). 
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