Growing into oneself takes time. Precious time. When I was younger I couldn’t wait to be older. I didn’t understand what it meant to be older. Just that I wasn’t content in my current state and that I would have so much freedom, with rules only I made up. Without parents doing their best to shield me from the inevitable hurts I would go through. Because chances are they went through something similar. They made the mistakes I didn’t have to.
And now that I am older I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, “all will be ok”. You will get hurt, you will make mistakes, it’s ok to take risks. That the feeling you have deep down inside is trying to tell you something. It is so hard to understand right now, but you WILL be a better person for it. You will know so much joy in your life, it just may take a while to get there.
As I watch my neices and nephews grow (up way too fast), I wish I could tell them the same. I want them to enjoy every moment of everyday. I want them to stay just where they are and to know they are the joy I have been waiting for. That they fulfill me more than anyone ever could. That they have allowed me to love and be loved.
Today: Like most, I'm trying to figure things out. Sometimes that's day by day, moment by moment, and even breath by breath.