Best. Birthday. Ever.

Coming to grips with the reality of single-hood (which lets be honest has always been a reality) is harder than I imaged it would be. I've never spent more than a few months with someone in my life. I've never lost the 'love of my life'. Yet my heart sinks deeper and deeper. The wall that I've tried so hard to breakdown, finds a way to rebuild itself. It turns out bricks and mortar are harder to destroy than originally thought.

But on my birthday, my heart is full.

​About a month ago, I decided to take a trip to Toronto to see the Blue Jays play. I've only ever watched one live baseball game, New York Mets vs. Seattle Mariners. It was in Seattle on another solo trip - where I was much more anonymous.

I planned to buy a ticket in a random section away from too much action as I wanted to be inconspicuous. Moses, a friend from childhood, who now works for the Blue Jays had a different idea for where I would sit. He got me a ticket close to the action.

Today was full of surprises.

He went above and beyond and got me a sneak peak at batting practice, and gave me a private tour of the clubhouse after the game! I'll admit it, I became the biggest fangirl when I met one of the players (Jose Bautista)!

I am beyond grateful.

At first I wasn't so sure about this (trip). But the more I thought about it the more I realized I cannot stop living because I am single. I cannot stop living because I do not have a companion. I cannot stop living.

"... most of you are making your decisions not upon what can happen in your future. Most of you are making all of your decisions upon what has happened to you in your past. If you had a breakup of a relationship that was a very hurtful breakup, and that emotional history is stored inside of you ...

... You perceive, you associate, "Have I seen anything like this before?" Yes. Your stored emotional history is then evoked, and you decide. "What is thIs probably leading me to?" You say, "More pain," and you decide not to get involved with the new person because of the old person." - Lou Tice, TPI