I wonder if He gets tired of me. I've come and gone into His life more times than I can count. I ask for patience and oh he's given me patience. Or wait I used to have patience. Now I get irritable when I think of the long wait He has put me through. I ask for strength to get me through the trying times. Looking back its all been trying times. I tire easily and cry. I'm not so sure how much strength I have.
I don't know if I've ever asked for endurance, but I think He has placed that within me.
She looks at me in the mirror and scoffs. Her eyes are tired, her soul is weak. She hopes today will be a day where her thoughts do not destroy her. That she may have even just a moment of peace. She worries about the future while doing her hair and make-up. She wonders if she will get rest tonight or lay awake sleepless. She tells herself she is not pretty enough or good enough. No matter what she does to try and stop these thoughts they remain and get stronger through the day. She looks for outside validation, when what she really needs is to believe in herself. To stop the lies before they start. She has trained herself into believing this is it. There are fleeting moments of hope and she desperately hangs on to them.
Three different time I begged for the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10 (NLT)
The path to happiness and well-being never ends. Just when we think we've arrived, a new challenge presents itself and we begin again. This book was written to help dissolve the illusion that we can better ourselves to the point where emotional pain is a thing of the past. A more fruitful path is to cultivate uncommon kindness - kindness toward ourselves - as long as we live and breathe. In the words of meditation teacher Pema Chodron: "... we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is ... not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already."
It could make all the difference in your life.
The mindful path to self - compassion pg. 243-244
Today: Like most, I'm trying to figure things out. Sometimes that's day by day, moment by moment, and even breath by breath.